Vietnam is rad (that's right, so cool that I'm going as far as to use the abbreviation for radical). Our first destination was the capital Hanoi, a bustling city of a billion motorbikes and noodle soup. You would do well to brush up on your Frogger skills before visiting this city. From what I can tell, the few street lights are but a mere suggestion and the pedestrian right of way is a figment in my western imagination. You just grab your balls, step out into the never ending stream of traffic and pray as the motorbikes grudgingly part around you (they definitely do not stop let alone slow down). Alternatively, my favorite technique is simply to wait for an old lady to step into the frey and scurry behind her.
We attempted to get our tourist fill of the grand capital setting off to the Fine Arts Museum, the Ho Chi Minh Museum and the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum where they have embalmed, their fondly nicknamed, Uncle Ho. As our guidebook tells it, Uncle Ho had specifically requested to be cremated, so the country did the exact opposite and sent him to Russia to be permanently preserved for public viewing for the rest of eternity. On arrival, however, we were sadly informed that the pickle viewing was closed for the day. Not all was lost. We did get into the nearly deserted Fine Arts Museum where we found the Children's Creative Room. In addition to the language barrier, the Creative Room supervisors were highly puzzled at our request to sit at the knee high tables to color. I think they acquiesced more out of confusion and made sure to tell us more than once that only very small children usually used the crayons.
We wrapped our Hanoi experience by going to the acclaimed water puppet show (look what good tourists we've become!). It must be told with respect to the serious irony of two grown women sitting at a water.puppet.show. halfway around the world that it was truly the weirdest three dollars I've ever spent. I would like to use a different word than "weird", but I think I've already offended the Vietnamese enough for one blog after referring to their favorite deceased leader as a pickle. The show is merely a splashy parade of some old, paint chipped, half-working puppets. The special feature being that they are water logged due to the unconventional use of a pool as the stage. Only about half of the geriatric puppet's limbs work anymore, giving the effect that they are just twitching and twitching out of synch if I were being honest. The show has performed six times daily for the last 50 years. How is it possible the puppeteers are out of synch? The challenge of being a part of a generation raised on Sesame Street and The Muppets is that I can legitimately be considered a connoisseur of puppetry; my standards unachievable. Mostly I think the blame goes to the guide books, blogs and other tourists for lying their faces off. Lonely Planet ranked this in the top 5 things to do in Hanoi. Trip Advisor's website reviewed this as, "A cultural step back in time, a true Hanoi experience". A tourist review touted, "Back in Hanoi after four years and the water puppets were still as fantastic on our first visit. A must see!". Shame on all of you.
Following a few fast and furious days in Hanoi, we ventured to Halong Bay. After many years of campaigning, Halong Bay recently made the list of Asia's Top 7 Natural Wonders. It turns out the title is well deserved. Kelly and I took an overnight cruise to the turquoise bay composed of 1,969 islands. The islands harbor some of the most mystical caves I have ever seen. Not that I've done a lot of spelunking in my day, but I still haven't been able to close my mouth after gawking at the unreal beauty. It's so much unlike anything I've ever seen, I kept expecting Disney Land's Indiana Jones Roller Coaster to come whizzing by. I desperately wish I had the vocabulary to articulate how crazy the stalactites and stalagmites looked (I can't even remember which point up and which point down, thanks a lot 4th grade).
Post cave exploring, Kelly and I kayaked ungracefully (but at least slightly more synchronized than the water puppets) around the bay. Funny thing about the dry season though, the kayaking areas were more like glorified puddles. Still breathtakingly gorgeous, but our two sizable asses kept bottoming out in the shallow waters. A Vietnamese couple found us very entertaining, laughing at us as we struggled to dislodge ourselves while their slighter frames gracefully glided to our rescue, shoving us to freedom on more than one occasion. The night wrapped up with a huge feed aboard the cruise and the country's favorite pastime, karaoke. The crew was more eager to sing than any of the passengers and kept us "entertained" at an earsplitting volume until bedtime. Kelly's rendition of "Man in the Mirror", however, brought the house down and an enthusiastic British girl insisted that her voice was perfect for Disney cartoons. I'm not sure Kelly took it as a compliment, but I hope it inspires you all to adopt a new nickname for her. My vote is Ariel, though I will consider Jasmine, Belle or Simba.
Puddle kayaking (you can actually see where the water line should be in the background)
A rare look into the wonder of water puppetry
I vote Simba
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