The day has finally arrived; we are officially back in the motherland. Though this might sound counterintuitive, after a year abroad, returning has been a complete culture shock thus far. Understanding everything everyone is saying is simultaneously awesome and heinous. You get to eavesdrop on everyones' phone conversations, though I can't say that I particularly care to hear about the results of your uncle's colonoscopy. Now that I'm back though, I figured I should leave you with a bit of a summarization. After all, we've been on this journey together for a year and I feel like we need some closure. Now, some of my friends hate it when travel writers quantify their statistics as if going to fifty countries in year makes you a better traveler than someone who lived in Russia for six months. In general, I don't think it makes anyone an expert either way, but I happen to like numbers and stats so I guess you'll have to suffer through this one (plus it makes me look super cool):
- Number of countries visited on this trip; 24
- Number countries I've visited in my lifetime; 33 (a lot of people want to know if I count Canada; yes, of course)
- Number of weekly-ish blogs I've posted; 53 (that's an average of 1.01923076923077 per week; you lucky dogs I've spoiled you).
- Number of books read; 41 (while not that impressive, if you consider the amount of time not reading do to debauchery and hangovers, it's a god damn miracle)
- Travel buddies that are still my friend despite spending every waking hour together for the 12 months; 1 (success!)
Unfortunately not all statistics are quite so awesome:
- Number of time's I've packed up my backpack; 109 (yes, I actually kept track)
- Number of times we've been robbed (not including general swindlement which is to be expected on this kind of trip); 4
- Times I've pooped the bed; 1 (though this may have turned out to be a success story in the long run)
- Pounds gained; 20 (ouch)
- Debt accrued; too, too much (but it was worth it)
Since I don't have any entertaining stories from this week, unless you count the awesome 22 hour layover in Helsinki, I'd now like to impart on you some enlightening nuggets of wisdom that I've discovered on my year journey. Oh wait, that concept is a total sham. I still haven't even figured out the answers to the questions that I thought I'd have all the time in the world to analyze this year while I was supposed to be finding myself or whatever. Such as, "what kind of job do I want?", "should I go back to school?" and "should I first get Pizza or Mexican food when I get back into the country?". The solitary life skill I've picked up is how to defuse the self-important rants from other travelers when they are talking trash about the United States. This actually happens quite frequently, especially in hostels where young, know-it-all 20 year-olds from every corner of the earth come to congregate over booze (plus, we have some shit to answer for). To mitigate this situation, as the American all you need to do is simply challenge the person who is talking smack to a teeth competition. Not a "smile" competition, but a contest focusing on the actual teeth. In my experience, The United States has the best orthodontia in the world by far, because as a full blooded American, my record in this area is unblemished. Nobody can even dispute this fact because a foreigner so rarely even comes close to having perfect teeth. Not that this is something to hang our hats on, but it certainly does the trick to put everyone back in their places. So the trip was not without at least some lessons.
A lot of you (about five or so) want to know if I'm going to continue my blog now that I'm now home. Oh hell no. I need to get an actual paying job. And you guys frankly need to get a life or a hobby or someone new to stalk. I promise my normal life is seriously less entertaining, "so this really cool thing happened in my cubicle today". Yeah, let me know if you ever want to hear about deductibles or umbrella liability and I'll send you a personal email for you to gouge your eyes out to, but I won't be subjecting the masses to that kind of punishment. Perhaps after I secure employment I might even get a phone again. The transition from the hobo life is a gradual process, but when that happens call me, maybe.
What fresh faced travelers looked like a year ago
